Pain
by Silver-Haired-Thief
Summary: Ryou is abused by Bakura for a long time. His whole childhood, thrown away. And Ryou has had enough. With a knife and a single line of words, does Ryou change everything? Based off the song 'Pain' By Three Days Grace Rated M for self harm, occasional abuse, maybe a lemon or two. Don't like, don't read. NO FLAMES. Yaoi Tendershipping (RyouxBakura) RB YY SJ MM BEING REWRITTEN
1. Chapter 1

Pain

_/Based of the song "Pain" By Three Days Grace/_

Ryou sat on his bed, nursing his wounds from the latest beating from his yami, Bakura.

He looked up at the dirty ceiling of his room. It was over. There is no hope for him or Bakura.

He looked up at the ceiling, feeling nothing but numbness. He did this for hours without end until he couldn't take it anymore.

Ryou got out of the bed and reached under his bed until he felt the blade of his knife.

He picked it up, not even flinching when the knife made a deep cut in his hand.

I can't go on feeling nothing... He thought. No more numbness...

The blade of the knife slid across his arm with ease, causing blood to slowly flow out of the deep cut. Ryou stared curiously at it. He had always wondered what Bakura had liked about his blood.

**_Pain, without love Pain, I can't get enough_**

Ryou leaned forward and ran his small, pink tongue across the cut. When he tasted the blood, he liked what he tasted. Slowly, he licked up all of the blood, savoring it's taste.

He moaned slightly, licking his lips. Ryou glanced at the blade, who's blade shone in the dim moonlight coming from his small window.

He wanted more.

_**Pain, I like it rough**_  
_**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**_

The knife slashed his arm again, the pain making Ryou tingle.

More sweet, hot blood flowed out of the second cut. Ryou smiled slightly.

He loved this feeling. Instead of feeling the usual numbness he felt, he felt pain. Pure, raw pain. And he loved it.

_**You're sick of feeling numb**_  
_**You're not the only one**_  
_**I'll take you by the hand**_  
_**And I'll show you a world that you can understand**_

Ryou, after a while, had made several cuts on his arms, blood covering his old white t-shirt.

He licked the blood once more.

No wonder Bakura likes my blood so much... He thought.

_**This life is filled with hurt **_

_**When happiness doesn't work**_

_**Trust me and take my hand**_  
_**When the lights go out you will understand**_

He leaned back on his bed for a moment, thinking about Bakura. The yami had been abusing him for years that Ryou thought he was going insane. But now that he was doing this, he knew for a fact that he was going insane.

Ryou chuckled slightly, sounding un-Ryou like. He sounded more like his yami more than he did himself.

He made a cut on the other arm, this one more deeper than the others.

**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, I can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough_**  
**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_**

He laughed at the sight. If I keep doing this, I'll die... He mused. But it's not like anyone will miss me right? Yugi and his friends never cared about me. They just used me, like Bakura did. It's like I'm here just for the use of everyone else.

He chuckled.

Maybe that is all I'm good for.

_**Pain, without love Pain, I can't get enough**_

_**Pain, I like it rough**_

_**'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**_

He growled slightly. If that's all I'm useful for, then I might as well die. I'd rather not take up precious space that could be used for someone else.

_**Anger and agony**_  
_**Are better than misery**_  
_**Trust me, I've got a plan**_  
_**When the lights go off, you will understand**_

He laughed as he wrote words on the wall in his own blood. Bakura will be so proud. He thought. But I won't be here for him to congratulate me.

**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, I can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_**

Ryou slashed the knife across his arms and laid on the ground. His body twitched slightly as the blood flowed out of his body. Ryou didn't care. Not at all. He just wanted his death to come quicker.

**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, I can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough_**  
**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing, rather feel pain_**

Good-bye cruel world. Bakura. Thanks for nothing.

And with that last thought, Ryou closed his eyes.

* * *

Bakura walked out of his room in the morning and into the kitchen.

He growled slightly when he saw that breakfast wasn't being made.

He stomped over to Ryou's room and swung open the door.

"What the hell yaudonushi?! Where is my break-?"

He fell silent when he saw Ryou's body on the floor.

Bakura would've thought he was dead, if not for Ryou's chest falling up and down slowly.

Bakura gasped in horror when he saw that there was a message written on the wall, repeating over and over again. And... it was in his hikari's precious blood.

**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, I can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough_**  
**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing, rather feel pain_**

**___Pain, without love_  
_Pain, I can't get enough_  
_Pain, I like it rough_  
_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing, rather feel pain_**

**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, I can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough_**  
**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing, rather feel pain_**

It repeated that same line, over and over again, all over Ryou's normally perfect white walls.

Bakura picked up his hikari, bridal style, and called Malik as he headed to the door.

"Malik... Ryou tried to kill himself... Yes I'm bringing him to the hospital... Okay bye..."

Bakura ran with his hikari to the hospital, hoping that he wasn't too late...

I'm sorry Ryou... my sweet Ryou... when you wake up... I hope you'll forgive me...

* * *

**Hey guys! I'm trying to decide whether or not this will be yaoi or not, but it just might. If so, then this is my first yaoi fic. YAY.**

**LOL I read so much yaoi, it's a wonder why I haven't written one before. :P **

**Anyways, this is my favorite shipping, TENDERSHIPPING!**

**But Thiefshipping comes second, then Deathshipping, and pretty much anything with Ryou and/or Bakura in it.**

**I also like my puzzleshipping and prideshipping, and the occasional heartshipping.**

**I also am MADLY in love with YugiXBakura (dont know what it's called haha)**

**Well enough of my rambling, REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

Pain

Chapter 2

Darkness.

Was Ryou floating?

Why was it so dark?

_"Ryou? Ryou... please... open your eyes..."_

Ryou was confused at the voice. Why were they so sad?

This was his choice. To kill himself.

People should just respect his decisions.

_"Ryou... hikari.. please.."_

Bakura, Ryou realized.

That was Bakura crying.

Why?

He was the one who caused this.

He sounded so... sorry.

That was when Ryou's eyes opened.

It took a minute for him to adjust to his surroundings.

He was in a room. A white room.

It was almost too bright to bear.

He squinted his eyes, hoping that his eyes would adjust better.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

A heart monitor, Ryou thought.

So he was in a hospital.

He looked around more and was stunned at who he saw in the room.

He saw Bakura, Malik, Mariku, Yami, Yugi, and many more.

Yami was glaring at Bakura, while Bakura's face was buried in his hands.

He looked truly sorry.

Yugi smacked Yami slightly, causing Yami's glare to move from Bakura.

"Stop that! Can't you see that he's truly sorry? It's obvious that he loves Ryou!" Yugi scolded the spirit.

Ryou blinked.

Bakura love him? Impossible.

Malik was the first to see that he had woken up.

He nudged Bakura slightly.

"Baku... he's awake."

Instantly Bakura's head snapped up.

"Ryou?" He whispered.

Ryou's eyes widened slightly when he saw Bakura's condition.

He looked like he had been crying, judging by the puffiness of his eyes.

The spirit also looked paler than usual, and that was saying something. He was ALWAYS pale.

But this pale... didn't look right to Ryou. Bakura looked.. almost dead.

"Bakura?" Ryou said quietly.

Bakura instantly stood up and walked over to Ryou.

When Bakura became closer, Ryou froze in place.

What was he going to do?

Ryou was surprised when Bakura's strong arms wrapped around him.

He looked up at Bakura, surprised at this gesture.

"I'm sorry Ryou." Bakura whispered.

At first, Ryou had nothing to say. Was this all an illusion? The Bakura he knew would never apologize.

Malik saw Ryou's look of uncertainty and gave the whitette a long stare.

At this, Ryou knew what he was saying.

'He changed.'

But how? Ryou thought. Bakura seemed so different now.

But maybe different is good.

Bakura eventually pulled away from Ryou, the look in his eyes still sad.

To Ryou, he looked like a lost puppy.

"Bakura... I'll forgive you.. on a few conditions.."

Bakura looked at him expectantly, eager to find out how to make the boy forgive him.

"Never... hit me again... and try to be happy for once." Ryou said.

That was all Ryou wanted. Was for Bakura to be happy.

That was why he had attempted suicide in the first place.

It had seemed like Ryou's presence was annoying to him, so Ryou was prepared to leave this world for him.

Maybe it wasn't the best idea, now that Ryou truly thought it over.

"I'll do it. Anything to get you back yadonushi." Bakura said, taking Ryou's hand.

At this, a small blush appeared on the hikari's face, but he disregarded it.

Instead, he changed the subject. "When can I leave?"

Bakura blinked. "Tomorrow... but I think-"

"Great!" Ryou said, beaming.

He wanted to get out of this hospital as soon as humanly possible.

He had always hated hospitals.

"You should get some sleep." He said to Bakura.

Bakura blinked. "I don't need any-"

"And a shower too." Ryou interrupted him. "No offense Kura, but you stink."

At that, Malik, Marik, and Yami burst out laughing.

Their laughter was silence by a glare from Bakura.

"Fine." Bakura sulked.

"Then go!" Ryou commanded.

* * *

**Hey guys! I finally got another chapter up! I just got a burst of inspiration today to update this! :D**

**Yesh, yesh this is yaoi... how wonderful! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**Review for me! **

**And Ryou :)**

**Pweasee?**


	3. Chapter 3

Pain

Chapter 3

The next day after Bakura had gotten his shower and some sleep, he immediatley rushed back to the hospital.

When he got to Ryou's room, he was asleep.

Bakura sat on a chair next to the bed and watched over Ryou as he slept.

He could see the angry looking scars on Ryou's arm, they had taken the bandages off the night before.

Bakura shuddered when he thought back to how Ryou's room looked now. He hadn't bothered to clean it; he felt too much guilt and hatred for himself inside. Why had he pushed his hikari so far that he wanted to kill himself?

"I truly am an idiot.." He muttered.

"Yeah you are."

Bakura's head snapped up as he saw Yami standing in the doorway.

"What do you want Pharaoh?" Bakura asked, surprisingly not looking angry as he usually would have. He was just too out of it to start a fight today.

"I was just checking on Ryou." Yami explained.

Bakura tilted his head. "Why the hell would you want to do that?" He asked.

"He's my friend of course." Yami answered back.

Bakura snorted. "Friend? Since when have you ever been there for Ryou? You and your friendship gang never even passed him a second glance until you found out that he housed me!"

"Not true!" Yami exclaimed.

"It is. Do you have any idea how lonely Ryou was?! I was the only one who was there for him!" Bakura said loudly.

Yami scowled. "Oh yeah if being there for him includes taking over his body and beating him half to death!"

Bakura growled. "I-!"

"Could you two be any louder?" Ryou's tired voice asked from the bed.

Bakura spun around.

"Ryou!"

Ryou blinked. "Hey.. Did you take care of yourself?"

"Yup." Bakura said.

"What's Yami doing here?" Ryou asked curiously. He didn't ever think that Yami would come out so see him without Yugi by his side.

"I came to see you." Yami said, looking annoyed at having to answer the same question.

Ryou narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Yugi made you didn't he?"

Yami looked surprised. "How did you-?"

"Yugi will be Yugi.." Ryou said, shrugging. "He's too nice for his own good." He added.

Yami laughed. "So true."

"You can leave now Yami. I know you don't want to be here." Ryou said.

Yami nodded and left.

Ryou looked at Bakura. "Can I leave now?"

"Yeah as soon as I check you out... there are some clothes in this bag, yadonushi. I'm sure you wouldn't want to be walking around in that flimsy hospital gown." Bakura said, handing Ryou the bag.

Soon the two left the hospital, Ryou taking a deep breath, just glad not to be there.

When they got home, Ryou headed towards his room, but Bakura directed him toward the couch.

"Uhmm I wouldn't go in there.." The yami said.

Ryou blinked in confusion. "Why?"

"I haven't... quite cleaned up in there yet..." Bakura murmured.

Ryou's eyes widened for a moment. "O-oh... sorry." He muttered.

Bakura blinked. "No, no you have nothing to be sorry for yadonushi.." He said.

Ryou frowned. "Why don't I? It's my fault..." He protested.

Bakura grabbed Ryou's hand and looked him in the eyes.

A blush creeped his way across Ryou's face. His heart skipped a beat at that moment.

Why was he feeling this way?

"Nothing was ever your fault Ryou."

Ryou looked at him in shock.

He was silent.

"What?" Bakura asked in confusion.

"Y-you said my name..." Ryou said quietly.

Bakura blinked. "Yeah... Ryou?"

Ryou tilted his head. "Yeah?"

"I.. I'm sorry... for everything."

And at that... Ryou was silent. From shock, surprise, and wonder.

Ryou didn't think that Bakura had ever apologized to anyone, let alone Ryou, his wimpy hikari.

"You aren't so wimpy... just girly." Bakura said.

Ryou blinked. He read my mind..

"Always could." Bakura answered his thoughts out loud.

Ryou frowned. "Stop answering my thoughts like that! It's creepy!"

Bakura chuckled. "Sorry. Let me go clean your room up now."

Ryou stood up to go help.

The taller immediatley pushed him down onto the couch. "No. You need to rest. I'll be back."

Ryou sighed. "Fine."

As soon as Bakura left, a knock sounded on the door.

Ryou got up slowly and answered it.

He was surprised at who he saw.

"Malik? Are you alright?" He asked.

Malik blinked. "What? Can't I just visit a friend?"

Ryou chuckled. "I suppose that you can.. come on in."

Malik looked at the boy for a moment and noticed a faint blush on his cheeks.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked.

Ryou nodded. "Yes.. I'm fine why?"

Malik smirked slightly. "Your face is a bit red there."

Ryou blushed deeper. "Is not!" He exclaimed.

Malik's eyebrows narrowed.

"Is too. Who made you blush? Bakura?"

Ryou's blush grew, but he stayed silent.

"HAH! It was!" Malik exclaimed in victory.

"So what if it was?" Ryou asked in his defense.

"You like Bakura, you like Bakura, you like Bakura, you like Baku-" Malik sang.

"Who likes Bakura?" Bakura asked as he walked out into the room.

"Ry-"

Malik was interrupted by Ryou's hand covering his mouth.

Bakura raised his eyebrow expectantly.

"Ryuji. Ryuji Otogi likes you." Ryou saved himself.

Bakura tilted his head. "Who?"

Ryou laughed. "Nevermind."

Bakura then sat down next to Ryou on the couch as Ryou uncovered Malik's mouth.

"So what brings you here Malik?" Bakura asked.

"Something important... We need your help Bakura." Malik said.

Bakura's eyes widened and he gave Ryou a 'stay here' look and dragged Malik back into the deepest part of the house.

Ryou was confused. What could they possibly be talking about?

When they came back in, Bakura had his old black trench coat on.

"Ry, I'm leaving for a while. Stay here and lock the doors," Bakura said as he opened the front door.

"Where are you-?" Ryou started to ask, but Bakura left before he could finish his question.

Ryou sighed.

Hopefully Bakura wasn't getting into any trouble.

* * *

**Hey guys! I'm glad a lot of you guys like this story.**

**It took a while to type up this new chapter for you guys! :D I'm so glad that you're reviewing.**

**So keep on reviewing to make this story alive! **

**:)**


	4. Chapter 4

Pain

Chapter 4

As Malik walked Bakura back to his house, Bakura was beyond pissed with the tan hikari.

"How could you be so stupid Malik? You know that Mariku will just keep on making mistakes if you just let him!" Bakura snapped.

"Look! He apologized! He said he'd stop drinking!" Malik said.

"And you believed him?! Son of a bitch!" Bakura cursed.

Malik grabbed Bakura's arm and pulled him into his house.

"Where is he?" Bakura asked.

Malik was hesitant. Bakura looked absolutely angry with him and who knew how angry he was with Mariku...

"Tell me!" Bakura snapped.

"I-In the b-bedroom... passed out." Malik stuttered. For the first time, he was afraid of Bakura.

Bakura began to go to the bedroom, but he paused when he saw a spot of blood on the tan carpet of the house.

He looked back at Malik with a questioning look. "Whose blood is this?" He asked, trying to stay calm and quiet. They both knew that if they were loud, Mariku would wake up.

"Mine." The small Egyptian mumbled.

"How did it get there?" Bakura asked. Malik could see the anger building up in the eyes of his best friend. He knew that Bakura would've killed Mariku long ago if Malik had only let him.

"O-one night Mariku came home drunk... and I was cooking dinner for him, like I always do," Malik started.

Bakura listened patiently.

"He was angry over some fight we had had before he left.. I don't remember what it was all about.. but when I said hello to him.. he...he got angrier. We eventually got into another arguement, in which I was punched and things happened that he regretted in the morning... it's no big deal.." Malik said, trying to downgrade the whole thing.

"No big deal?" Bakura repeated, sounding a bit stupid.

Malik blinked and stared at Bakura, to make sure he was okay.

"He's dead." Bakura said quietly as he made his way to where Mariku was sleeping soundly in their bedroom.

"No!" Malik said, jumping in front of the door.

"Malik. Move." Bakura said through his teeth.

"No! You aren't hurting him!" Malik said, crossing his arms.

Bakura stared at Malik like he was crazy. "You... he hurt you Malik. On more than one occasion. This needs to stop! It's wrong." He said.

"Just like you abusing Ryou was wrong? You shouldn't be talking Bakura." Malik said.

That hit Bakura right in his heart. "I-I'm not like Mariku." He said. He sounded like he was mostly trying to convince himself.

"But aren't you? And I'm like Ryou. I'm trying to hold onto love as long as I can." Malik said.

"I'm not going to let you turn out like Ryou did! He tried to kill himself!" Bakura's voice had gotten louder. He didn't care that waking Mariku was a possibility. He had to knock some sense into his friend.

"Do you think I'm really as stupid as Ryou?!" Malik snapped.

"Ryou is not stupid!" Bakura snarled, spitting in Malik's face as he spoke. "You know what? You don't deserve help! I hope he kills you!" Bakura screamed at Malik before running out of his house, slamming the door behind him.

Malik was breathing heavily when he left and sunk to the floor, his back still against the bedroom door. He heard Mariku's footsteps as he got out of bed and walked toward the bedroom door. Mariku opened the door sleepily. Malik could see the annoyance in his boyfriend's eyes.

"What was all of that noise about?" Mariku asked.

"It was nothing." Malik muttered. "Just go back to bed."

Mariku stared down at Malik before shrugging and walking back into the bedroom.

* * *

Ryou was sitting in his room, listening to a song on the radio. It was Just Give Me A Reason by Pink and Fun.

Normally Ryou didn't listen to this kind of music, but he thought this song suited him and Bakura a lot. He sang along to the chorus.

_Just give me a reason_  
_Just a little bit's enough_  
_Just a second, we're not broken just bent_  
_And we can learn to love again_  
_It's in the stars_  
_It's been written in the scars on our hearts_  
_We're not broken just bent_  
_And we can learn to love again_

He just loved the vocals on this song. Ryou smiled as the part where Nate Ruess (the singer of Fun) came in on his part. He could imagine Bakura singing this part.

Even though Ryou had never heard Bakura sing, he always imagined Bakura's voice as being so nice to hear. To him, Bakura seemed like he'd be perfect at anything.

It was then that Ryou vowed to get Bakura to sing for him. Even if Bakura sounded bad, Ryou stil wanted to hear what he sounded like.

Ryou continued to listen to the song, just listening to the lyrics. He never really cared how the people sounded. He just liked meaningful lyrics.

_Just a second,_  
_I never stopped_  
_You're still written in the scars on my heart_  
_You're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again_

Ryou smiled. I'll have to remember those lyrics... Maybe tell them to Bakura. Maybe I'll make him listen to this song.

"Great song.." He heard a familiar voice whisper from behind him.

Ryou turned his head to see Bakura. "B-Bakura? Y-you're back!" He smiled a small smile.

He jumped off of his bed and hugged Bakura, who hugged him back.

Ryou then looked up at Bakura, who just looked tired and angry.

"B-Bakura? Are you okay? Did everything go okay with Malik?" Ryou asked.

"I don't want to talk about him," Bakura muttered.

Ryou blinked. "O-oh okay..." He mumbled, pulling himself out of Bakura's arms. He didn't want to disturb him.

Bakura sighed. "I'm going to my room if you need me."

Then he pushed past Ryou and left the room.

Ryou sunk to the floor next to his bed, feeling hurt.

/Why won't he talk to me about Malik? What happened? Shouldn't he trust me?/

Even though Bakura had never said it, Ryou thought that Bakura had loved him.

**/I do love you. Quit being sad./** Bakura said through the mind link before closing it.

Ryou sighed.

/I can't help but be sad../

* * *

**AN:**

**Hey guys! I'm FINALLY back with another chapter! Did ya miss me?**

**Bakura: no. **

**Ryou: *smacks him* THEY DID! OF COURSE!**

**Bakura: *holds cheek* Ow.. you hit hard hikari..**

**Ryou: *smirks***

**O_O Oh no, Ryou's being out of character again... Run Bakura.**

**Bakura: *runs while Ryou chases him***

**I think someone gave him chocolate again... either that or someone stole his cream puffs.. Well anyways, I do not own YGO, so no suing, ja?**

**Review if you want more!**


	5. NOTE PLEASE READ!

**IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ!**

**To those who have been reading this fic, I am redoing the whole thing and reconstructing it.**

**I realized that I could be doing better and that I was rushing the story a bit. So yeah.**

**Thanks goes to**_** Mrs. Niccals 666**_** who helped me realize that this wasn't good enough.**

**She made some valid points and it is helping me with Chapter One.**

**The new version will be called, "Pain: Re-Coded."**

**Also, thanks goes to ****_BloodyRose2016, Themidnightvampress, YamiBakura1988, ShafiraHatake, noiritesse, NinjaTombRobber, yugi rapes yami, laura393, Guest, Guest (?), Sabrina, and BrokenSouloftheDarkness._**

**Thank you all for reviewing and I hope you guys stick around. I'll PM you when the edited version is out. **

**Thanks again,**

**Silver-Haired-Thief**


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